


No More Bad Days.

by Nicolasgrimshaw



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, American AU, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Depression, First Time, Getting Help, High School, M/M, One Shot, References to Depression, Riding, Suicidal Thoughts, college tours, idk what to tag this, it's not really smutty but it's smut, just louis is struggling and harry wants to help him, v minor though but there are talks about being suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 02:24:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11004030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicolasgrimshaw/pseuds/Nicolasgrimshaw
Summary: Louis only has 3 months of high school left until he's on to the big and fabulous adventure that is college. Except after being plagued with feelings of nothing and hopelessness he's not even sure if college is going to be worth it; he can't even decide what college he wants to go to!He's done a good job of keeping those feelings to himself, though, but as the stress of graduation and college builds he ends up coming forth with his feelings to Harry, someone he always wants to be close to and definitely NOT have a long distance relationship with.Or high school AU in which Louis cares too much, Harry cares not enough, and Louis feels like his entire future is on the line.





	No More Bad Days.

February 5, 2017

Louis woke up at 2 am to an incessant tapping against his window. He rubbed his eyes, sitting up in a sleepy confusion, and looked around as if the sound was coming from inside. It wasn't just a tapping, he realized, it was a knocking. He knew exactly what, more like who, it was.

He pulled his sheets back and went to his window, drawing up the blinds where he was met with Harry's crouched image holding flowers in one hand. Harry smiled at him mischievously and Louis couldn't help but smile back because this was the boy he was in love with. The boy who would randomly show up at his window in the middle of the night to give him flowers.

They had been together for over five years technically. They started "dating" in the seventh grade. It wasn't until the ninth grade they started going on what they considered small dates and it just grew and developed into more as the time passed. They got to watch each other grow up and fall in love at the same time.

It was February and they were both eager to finish high school, graduate, then go to college already, hopefully with each other. Louis and Harry couldn't have been more opposite. Well, actually they could be, but they had pretty differing personalities.

Louis was small and quiet. He was quite reserved and often kept to himself. He was extremely studious and had a 4.0 he was quite proud of. Harry was his best friend and the only other friends he really had were Harry's friends because he saw them often.

Harry was tall, broad, and most definitely not quiet. He had a very loud personality and if he had a thought he spoke it. He wasn't as studious as Louis, but somehow, he slipped by with passing grades. He smoked sometimes much to Louis' disapproval. Harry was rather social and had lots of friends, but his best friend in the whole wide world was Louis and he loved him so. Louis smiled to himself then opened the window.

"Harry, what are you doing? It's, like, 2 am." He whispered softly through the screen. Harry just smirked and shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. He was dressed in his regular, everyday clothes whereas Louis wasn't even wearing any pants, just a tee shirt and his briefs.

"I know, but I couldn't wait to give you these." He held up the roses proudly. Louis felt his heart flutter like it often did when he was with Harry. This wasn't the first time this had happened. This was probably the fourth time Harry had snuck up to his window. He always brought flowers with him, almost as a peace offering or a declaration of his love. "C'mon, take off the screen so I can come in." Louis just sighed contently and obliged.

He reached up to the screen and unhitched the four little latches in the corners. He grabbed the frame then carefully pulled it away, resting it up against the wall. He stepped back, allowing Harry to climb in soundlessly. He closed the window behind him. Harry turned back to Louis then scooped him up in a bear hug, kissing his cheek sweetly.

"Hello sweetheart," He whispered then held up the roses. Louis smiled beautifully then took them carefully from his hand.

"These are beautiful, but couldn't you have waited?" He whispered as he turned to his desk. On top of his desk was a jar with some older flowers Harry had given him a while ago that were wilting. He placed them in with the old ones. When he turned back to face Harry Harry was kicking off his shoes and taking off his jacket, which he just dropped to the floor.

"No, I couldn't." He smirked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed before turning to lie down and stretch his legs out on top of Louis' blankets. Louis turned and went to his door, locking it because if his mother were to by chance come into his room because he was either being too loud, or to wake him up in the morning, then he didn't want her seeing Harry because then she would be livid and he would probably lose her trust.

"Where did you even get those?" Louis walked back over to his bed and placed his hands on Harry's shoulders before lowering onto his lap. Harry welcomed him gleefully as he wrapped his hands around Louis' waist.

"Florist." Harry answered nonchalantly and Louis laughed ever so quietly. He couldn't afford raising his voice.

"You can't actually stay here, you know." He then said and Harry just shook his head in reply.

"Who says I can't?"

"Um, me." They both laughed together as Louis beamed beautifully down at Harry. He looked ethereal washed in the soft grays of the moonlight. "We have school tomorrow and you'll have nothing to wear, not to mention my mom will kill you if she catches you here in the morning."

"I'll just say I came by really early, I can just wear the clothes I'm wearing now. C'mon, you can't honestly turn me away."

"I will lose my mom's trust if she catches you." Louis whispered softly and Harry just shrugged.

"Don't worry," He whispered back. Louis sighed uneasily. If there was anyone who pushed Louis to go outside his comfort zone, it was Harry. Louis was sure Harry didn't even have a comfort zone. He just did whatever he wanted without a single thought.

"Telling me not to worry doesn't magically make me stop worrying." Louis told him softly. Harry smiled happily because Louis just made him so happy. He'd made him happy for over four years.

"Then worry. I'll stay calm for the both of us." Louis repositioned himself so that he was lying down on his stomach, or more specifically on top of Harry who quickly rolled his tee shirt off and threw it to the spotless floor. Louis rolled over on the space beside him as Harry unbuttoned his pants and pulled them off to. Louis curled back up to his side. He placed his head on his chest, his arm over his stomach, and hooked his leg up over Harry's waist.

Harry smirked down at him then wrapped his arm around him tightly. Louis' beauty was unfathomable. Harry couldn't believe he had gotten such a beautiful boy to fall in love with him. He didn't even have to try that hard. It just happened somehow.

"You know, I think you get more beautiful each day." Harry looked down at Louis because that totally sounded like something that he would've said, not Louis. He smiled.

"Oh, really?" His tone was teasing and he wrapped his hand around Louis' thigh, pulling him closer. Louis tried to hide his smile then nodded.

"I could be wrong. It might just be the moonlight." Harry laughed loudly and Louis quickly cupped his hand over his mouth, his eyes wide with fright. They were both silent as Louis tried to listen for any sounds that would suggest his mother had gotten up. A moment passed and Louis still had his hand cupped over Harry's lips. Harry licked his hand making Louis scoff. "You're disgusting." Louis wiped palm against Harry's cheeks. "You have to be quiet, though. If we wake up my mom she'll kill me." Harry laughed very softly.

"Your legs are really smooth."

"Are you even listening to me?" Louis whispered trying not to get distracted by Harry brushing soft circles against his bare thigh. "Look at me and say, 'yes Louis, I understand I have to be quiet.' Say it." Harry just smirked back slyly.

"I love your thighs." Louis hit his fist softly against Harry's chest, making him just laugh. Louis didn't look amused.

"Say it or you won't get to feel my thighs anymore." He threatened. Harry gasped making Louis smirk smugly at him.

"Yes Louis, I understand I have to be quiet." Louis smiled, kissing his cheek.

"Good." Louis reached down and pulled one of his blankets up over to their waists. He nestled against Harry. "You going to Josh's Super Bowl party this year?"

"Yeah, my mom rsvp'd yesterday. Do you want to drive, or should I?" Louis looked up at him before laughing softly.

"I haven't told you if I'm going yet." Harry didn't look moved.

"Oh, you're going." The longest they had ever spent apart was one week when Harry went out of town for his grandmother's funeral. Other than that, they pretty much saw each other once a day. Sometimes people, mostly their mothers, said it wasn't healthy to spend every single day together, that they needed to spend more time apart to learn how to be their own person away from each other. They thought it was bullshit so they didn't listen.

"I don't know, I might just stay home and watch The Twilight Zone."

"Then our mothers can go and I'll stay here with you." Harry whispered making Louis roll his eyes.

"No, if you want to go you should go. I don't want you being antisocial because of me."

"Well it wouldn't be because of you-"

"Yes, it would because you're making that decision based upon the fact that I just told you I was going to stay home." Harry gazed down at Louis softly. "C'mon, I know you want to go hang out with friends and scream at the TV when the team gets a fumble."

"I'll come over after and we can finish watching The Twilight Zone the rest of the night." Louis smiled softly, nodding.

"It's a plan." Harry kissed him sweetly.

"Good night." They both smiled at each other.

"Good night." The next morning, they were woken up by an incessant knocking on Louis' door.

"Get up, Louis! You're going to be late!" He listened to his mother's footsteps grow softer as she traveled further down the hallway before breathing again.

Louis and Harry were both enrolled at James Monroe High School. They only had one class together that year. Government was the first semester of school and economics was the second semester. They both took summer school English 12 together. Louis took it because it was required for high school seniors during the regular year and he wanted to get it out of the way for more classes. Harry took it because Louis made him. Well, he didn't make him. He encouraged him, and how could Harry say no to Louis?

"You have to go now." Louis sat up, pushing himself away from Harry. Harry just yawned and covered his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes.

"I don't think so." Louis gave him a harsh glare as he turned on his side and curled into the pillow.

"Harry, I'm not even kidding, you have to leave now or else my mom will try to come in here if I'm not downstairs in a minute." Harry just smiled and sat up, stretching his back again.

"Fine, fine." He stood up and started to get dressed. Louis stood up and went to his closet, filing through his shirts. He pulled out a soft grey jumper and tossed it over on his bed. He pulled out a pair of jeans from his drawer and tossed those on the bed as well. Harry was dressed and opening the window. "See you in a few, babe." He climbed out onto the roof. Louis walked over with a smile.

"Don't immediately come to the door. Wait a few minutes." Harry nodded.

"I know the drill." Louis laughed at him. He leaned in, gave him a kiss, then Harry turned and scuttled to the edge of the roof. Louis put the screen back on and closed the window. He got dressed then hopped down the stairs. He strode into the kitchen where his mother was standing at the counter spreading peanut butter on a bagel.

"Morning." He walked into the kitchen and pulled a plastic cup out of the cupboard they were kept in. He filled it with Sunny D from the fridge.

"Good morning, how'd you sleep?" Louis shrugged, walking around to the opposite side of the counter.

"Alright. How about you?" She shrugged back, smiling.

"Not long enough."

"Isn't that the truth."

"Getting excited for the Super Bowl? I'm going to rsvp today by the way; did you want to go?" Louis pressed his lips together, shaking his head. He hopped up onto the stool and grabbed an apple from their fruit basket.

"Nah, I'd rather just stay home and watch The Twilight Zone." Jay smiled at him sweetly. She turned and opened the dishwasher, placing the knife in it before standing up again. "Harry said his mom already rsvp'd so they'll be there."

"Oh yeah, Anne had texted me about it."

"Is it okay if Harry comes over afterwards to watch The Twilight Zone with me?" Jay gave him a skeptical look with a small little smirk. "In the living room." Louis rolled his eyes making her smile.

"I guess that's okay." Louis smiled happily when there was a much-anticipated knock on the door. Louis placed down his apple, which he had only taken one bite out of, and hurried over to the door.

He didn't know why he felt so excited considering he just saw him five minutes ago, he just was. He loved being with Harry. It didn't matter what they were doing or what was going on around them. He loved his presence.

"Good morning, little bird." Louis just rolled his eyes at Harry's stupid nickname for him and accepted his hug with open arms.

"Good morning," He tip toed up and kissed him. Harry stepped in the house then closed the door quietly behind him. Louis grabbed his hand, pulling him along behind him into the kitchen. 

"Good morning Ms. Tomlinson, how are you?" Harry hopped up onto the stool beside Louis'. Jay looked up at him, smiling sweetly.

"I'm well, and how are you? You look well rested." Louis picked up his apple and took a bite as a way to hide his smile. Harry smiled back, nodding his head slightly.

"I am, I'm well."

"That's good, but the next time you sneak out of my home you might want to make sure I'm not out getting mail or else I might catch you." Louis and Harry both blushed furiously. Louis wanted to just get up and walk away. His mother didn't sound angry, but maybe he was thinking too soon. His mother was usually cool about things, but they were talking about Harry sneaking into his room in the middle of the night and leaving in the morning. Parents weren't usually cool about that.

"I'll remember that." Louis elbowed him hard, setting his apple down.

"Mom-"

"How many other times has this happened?" Louis could feel himself pale, his mother looked so calm and collected. Not a good sign. Harry didn't open his mouth.

"Like...three." Louis answered under his breath, really hoping his mom wouldn't actually hear him, but judging by the surprised expression on her face she heard him.

"Three? So, three other times he has snuck into your room in the middle of the night?" They both stared down at the granite counter. "That's completely unacceptable-"

"Oh, mom, c'mon, it's not like we were doing anything!" Louis exclaimed, already accepting defeat as he looked up at his mother.

"Well that's reassuring," She replied sarcastically making Harry laugh. Louis elbowed him again. "But you can forget about getting together to watch The Twilight Zone after the party-"

"What? Why? We didn't do anything wrong!" Jay looked down at him, scoffing a laugh.

"Louis, you've been having Harry sneak into your room in the middle of the night! Does Anne know about this?" She turned her attention to Harry who just flustered to find the right words, shrugging his shoulders. "Well that's about to change. Either way, it's completely inappropriate. Now I know you have to get to school soon so finish getting ready. We can talk about this later." Louis grabbed his apple and pushed himself off his stool. Harry followed after him as he trudged up the stairs and into the hall bathroom. Harry stepped into the bathroom with him then closed the door. Louis crossed his arms, glaring up at him.

"How the hell could you not have seen my mom outside getting the mail? I told you to be careful, I knew she would find out." Harry just smiled softly, earning a harsher glare from Louis because what was there to smile about?

"I don't know, I'm sorry." He didn't sound sincere making Louis roll his eyes. He faced the mirror and placed his half-eaten apple on the counter.

"Ew, my skin looks horrible." Louis immediately reached up to cover his hands over his cheeks making Harry laugh.

"And you still look beautiful." Harry leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Louis just rolled his eyes, still blushing, and elbowed him in the stomach gently.

"Oh, shut up." He picked up a comb from the corner and started to tackle his mess of bedhead. "Did you turn in your graduation cap and gown form?" Harry nodded, leaning against the back wall. Louis glanced at him through the mirror.

"Yeah, the lady was surprised to find out I was graduating." He joked making Louis laugh.

"Did she know you have a 3.0?" Harry shook his head.

"Probably thought I had a .7." Louis smiled, turning around to face him.

"I haven't turned mine in yet. Do we bring them to the main office or the attendance office?"

"Attendance office." Harry answered. Louis turned back around and set the comb down.

"Great." He deadpanned. He took a deep breath then ran his fingers through his hair, neatening it up a bit. He turned to Harry, smiling. "Don't you need to comb your hair or anything?" Harry just smirked then ran his fingers through his hair in reply.

"And I'm good to go!" He exclaimed jokingly. "Let's go." Louis grabbed his backpack from his room, wished his mom a good day, then headed out the door with Harry. They walked across the street to Harry's motorcycle. Harry picked up the helmet resting on it and handed it to Louis. 

"I hate wearing this stupid helmet, I just fixed my hair." Louis whined. Harry chuckled, picking up his own helmet.

"Maybe God can fix it for you again up in Heaven." Louis stuck his tongue out at Harry in response.

"I wouldn't mind." He grumbled. Harry laughed then threw his leg over the seat, sitting down. Louis sat behind him, wrapping his arms around him. Harry started the motorcycle and then they were zooming off towards the school.

When they got to the school Harry parked the bike and they walked inside. They sat in their usual spot in the hallway before the first bell would sound. Once classes did start, though, Louis and Harry parted with goodbyes. They didn't see each other until 3rd period in Economics. Harry sat in front of Louis, and they were partners for a stock project.

The project was to follow five companies stock throughout the semester, record it, and at the end of the semester they'd have to create a poster with graphs displaying the information. Next to that, they also had a packet where, every class, they had to record ten separate companies current stock value and calculate various things they both didn't care about.

"We still need to find another company to google their stock stuff."

"Just google Pornhub." Louis slapped him in the arm making Harry snicker.

"We cannot do that on a school computer. They have restrictions for those kinds of things."

"You're not actually going to the site, Louis." Harry patronized. Louis rolled his eyes.

"I'm looking up something else." Louis faced the laptop towards him and started typing. Harry watched him in amusement.

"What are you looking up?"

"I'll let you know when I think of something."

"So, what are you typing?"

"I'm just googling stocks. Literally, just the word stocks and seeing what comes up." Harry laughed.

"I'll calculate the stuff for the bottom." He snatched the sheet off Louis' desk then took out his phone, pulling up the calculator.

"Here, we can write down Adidas' stock rates."

"It's pronounced uh-dee-dus, not addy-das." Harry teased turning around to give him the sheet again.

"I appreciate the comment, but next time I'd rather you just fuck off." Louis replied taking the sheet.

"Well in that case you can finish the calculations." Louis rolled his eyes at him. He wrote down the necessary information before handing the sheet back to Harry then closing the laptop. "Hey, wanna make out in the bathroom next period?" Louis hit him in the arm again. Harry just laughed in amusement, picking up his pencil.

"I have probs and stats."

"I know, I was insinuating that you'd skip."

"I can't skip or else I'll miss the lesson." Louis told him pointedly. "We can make out later." He then told him with a smirk.

"When?"

"I don't know." Louis shrugged.

"It's later now."

"Just finish the calculations-"

"And then we can make out?" Louis smiled at him, shaking his head in disbelief at the fact that he had fallen in love with this dork.

"We can make out in Charlottesville when we tour University of Virginia." He teased.

"Ooh, we will be doing much more than making out that weekend." Harry placed his pencil down and placed the packet in his folder. He turned in his chair, facing Louis who was blushing redder than a drop of blood now.

"Shut up, it was hard enough to convince our moms to let us stay in the same hotel room." Louis said turning away bashfully.

"We've been together for, like, almost 6 years. I don't see why they had to be so against it in the first place-"

"Because they probably think we're going to have sex, or something."

"Oh moms, they have such dirty minds." Harry joked making Louis laugh.

"Wouldn't it be weird to think of your child having sex?"

"Isn't it weird to think of your mom having sex?" Louis scoffed a laugh.

"My mom hasn't had sex since she had me." Harry laughed boisterously. "Maybe that's why she's so uptight. Since she's not having sex, I can't have sex either."

"You aren't even having sex to begin with-"

"Exactly!" They continued talking and laughing until the class ended. Louis packed up his backpack, Harry tucked his tattered folder under his arm, and they left the room hand in hand. At the end of the day Harry drove Louis home then went to his own house as well.

Louis was apprehensive about his mother returning from work, he knew there'd be an argument between them considering she had said they'd "talk about it later". And that's exactly what happened.

"Mom, please-" Louis pleaded following her up the stairs.

"I'm sorry Louis, but I can't just let this slide. This is serious-"

"It's not even bad!" Jay forced a fake laughed.

"Louis, it's not about being bad, it's about going behind my back, breaking the rules-"

"It's not like we ever planned! I'm not even joking, I'll just be sleeping and I'll wake up to him knocking on my window-"

"Then maybe he's not as good an influence as I thought he was."

"Oh my gosh, mom, it's literally just to give me flowers." Jay stopped at the top of the stairs, turning to raise her eyebrow at him.

"You're telling me he climbs up onto our roof and knocks on your window in the middle of the night just to give you flowers." Louis smiled, nodding.

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "So, I mean, it's not like we're actually doing anything-"

"Well that's good then, but it still goes against the rules. I'm sorry, Lou, but my word is final." Louis pouted at her.

"Can't you just take away my phone, or something, instead?" He pleaded and Jay shook her head.

"I said my word is final."

"But that's not fair!"

"What's not fair about it? You broke the rules multiple times behind my back, if you keep complaining I'll make it worse."

"Whatever." Louis rolled his eyes and stormed down the hall into his room, slamming the door. He threw himself down on his bed then pulled out his phone, pulling up his messages with Harry.

louee: hi

harry: hi baby

harry: how are you sunshine

louee: my moms being a bitch.

harry: so is mine. maybe it's just menopause :)

harry: speaking of which, my moms taking my phone away for a week which I think is completely ridiculous, but just so you know. She's taking it away after she gets home from work. 

louee: a whole week?

louee: yikes

louee: my mom just says you can't come over after the party and all

louee: and she's probably lost a little bit of her trust in me which is punishment enough.

louee: I don't like it when she's disappointed in me

harry: I'm sure she's not disappointed in you babe. I'm sure she's still as proud of you as ever.

louee: lol proud of what

harry: proud of the fact that she rose such an intelligent, kind, and gracious gentleman by herself.

louee: thanks

harry: so you should come to the Super Bowl party now!!

louee: ew no

harry: cmon baby

louee: I'll think about it

harry: yeeee :)

The next day was anything short of eventful. Louis had stayed home from school and with Harry not having access to his phone he suffered through the torture of not knowing where Louis was or why he wasn't at school. Once he got home he had to wait in even more torture because his mom was home, but the moment she left for her midnight shift he creeped into her room and stole his phone.

harry: WHERE WERE YOU TODAY

harry: I MISSED YOU

louis: ah yes im sure it was torturous having to go to school with all your good friends

harry: oh hush you're my best friend

harry: baby you should come over because I'm super bored and wanna see you

louee: I thought your mom took your phone away for the week?

harry: yeah, but she just left to work an overnight and I know where she keeps my phone

harry: so you should come over :)

louee: and then what ;)

harry: and then we watch some movies and cuddle and gorge ourselves with junk food and soda 

louee: that took an unexpected turn

harry: why what were you expecting me to say

harry: dirty boy

louee: hmm whatcha say

harry: I say come over because I'm bored and miss you :(

louee: I literally see you at school everyday

harry: um??? you missed a day last week too, that's two days

harry: plus I miss my baby

louee: you have a baby? how could you :o

harry: uh oh I wasn't supposed to tell you that :o

louee: I'm disappointed in you :(

harry: so come over so I can make it up to you :)

louee: sorry harry, my heart can't be fixed with junk food, soda, or cuddling

harry: that's where you're wrong, I have Netflix too

louee: oh well let me rush right over then.

harry: yay

louee: i don't know if my mum will let me leave, she doesn't trust you anymore

harry: *gasp* Jay and I are going to have to have a serious conversation about this

louee: I'll be right over :)

harry: YAY!!!!!!!

harry: WHOO HOO!!!!!

harry: I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!!!

harry: MY SUNSHINE

harry: DRIVE SAFE

harry: OR SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN AND THAT WOULD MAKE ME VERY SAD

harry: BECAUSE THEN MY SUNSHINE WOULDNT BE SHINING

louee: okay haz I'm trying to drive and my phone keeps lighting up and distracting me.

harry: WHY ARE YOU TEXTING AND DRIVING

harry: THAT IS A NO NO. BAD LOUIS

harry: are you almost here

harry: i want to see you

harry: and cuddle you

harry: BUT MOSTLY SEE YOU.

harry: IM TEXTING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE IM EXCITED

louee: what are you so excited about you've literally been seeing me since seventh grade.

harry: IM EXCITED BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

harry: AND SEEING YOU MAKES ME HAPPY

harry: WHY ARE YOU TEXTINF AND DRIVIG AGAIN

louee: because I'm at a red light

harry: RED LIKE MY HEART THAT BEATS FOR YOU

louee: tone it down haz or I'll turn around

harry: NO

harry: I ALREADY HAVE A MOVIE QUEDED UP FOR US

harry: YOU CANT NOT COME

harry: AND I GOT OUT THE SNACKS

harry: I GOT OUT YOUR FAVORITE. I GOT PEANUT M&MS AND CHEETOS

harry: R U ALMOST HERE

A knock on the door made Harry jump out of the couch and rush over to the door. He opened it to a smiling Louis.

"Sunshine!" Harry wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in for a tight hug. "How are you? Good I hope, you deserve all things well in this world." Louis just laughed happily and stepped back to close the door.

"If your mom finds out you took your phone while she was gone she's going to kill you." Harry just scoffed, waving him off.

"I'm going to go put it back now. I'll meet you in the living room." Harry turned and started up the stairs. Louis smiled to himself and walked into the house. He left his shoes in the foyer before venturing into the living room. He sat down on the couch. "So why were you gone today? Are you feeling all right?" He heard Harry's voice ring through the house as he started back down the stairs.

"I didn't feel well this morning so I decided to stay home. I'm feeling better now, though."

"Good!" Harry jumped over the back of the couch and landed next to Louis. He wrapped his arms around him then threw himself down on the couch, taking Louis with him.

"Did you survive Econ without me?" Louis teased. Harry resituated himself on his side, Louis following suit so that they were lying on the couch together.

"Barely. I couldn't think of stocks to look up that we hadn't already recorded so I only did, like, two."

"Harry, we're going to get points docked."

"It'll be fine, what's a couple of points?"

"I'll look up some tonight and write them down." Louis told him. Harry smiled at him.

"Let loose, babe-"

"I can't let loose, Harry. I have to keep my grades up so my 4.0 doesn't fall so I can apply to get scholarships—a majority of scholarships I've looked at require a GPA of 3.0, or something, to even be considered for it and I need all the scholarships I can get."

"You have a fucking 4.0, don't wear yourself out, Lou." Harry replied calmly. "Just focus on you. Me. Us." He pulled Louis closer. "It's only February-"

"But we've already applied to, and been accepted into, colleges and I have to try and figure out what college I want to go to. Do you realize how huge that fucking is? I'm deciding my future, Harry. My future!"

"It is not your job to have your entire future planned to a T by the time you start college." Harry said, his tone turning a bit stern. "Seriously? Don't stress yourself until you're sick over this, babe. Let's just...eat junk food," Harry reached across Louis and picked up the large, shareable bag of peanut m&ms, placing it between them. "Or make out like you promised-"

"I never promised." Louis said with a smile. He reached into the bag and withdrew a handful of m&ms.

"Want to watch a movie? I pulled up Coraline because I know that's your favorite."

"Nah, I just want to lay here with you." Harry smiled at him.

"I love you so much." Louis smiled back shyly. He popped a few m&ms in his mouth, crunching on them cutely.

"So, I was thinking."

"Lay it on me."

"Wouldn't it be funny if what our moms thought was going on this weekend was actually going on?" A slow, unsure grin spread across Harry's face as he gawked at Louis with the utmost curiosity. Was Louis really suggesting what he thought he was suggesting?

"Louis Tomlinson, are you trying to initiate the sex talk with me?" Louis blushed furiously, giving himself away. He smiled shyly and shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know, it's just a theory. I just...I think we're ready and I want to be close to you." Louis picked up the m&ms and turned, placing them back on the coffee table. He then moved up, sitting up on Harry's lap.

"We are close-"

"Even closer." Louis interrupted. "I want to give you a part of me I can't give to anyone else. I'd like to think you'd want the same." Harry smiled up at him.

"Of course, babe." He replied. "This would be a huge step, though. Are you sure you'd be ready?" 

"Are you sure you'd be ready?" Louis counter asked. Harry chuckled, nodding. "Good, me too. But if it were to happen and one of us were to decide we aren't then we'd stop."

"How will we protect ourselves?"

"We're both virgins." Louis retorted making Harry smile. "But, lube and condoms are still a necessity."

"I could pick some up if you're really serious about this."

"Are you? I want us both to be serious about this." Louis replied meekly.

"I'm serious." Harry answered seriously. "What made you...come to this conclusion?" He then asked, forcing a small laugh. Louis shrugged.

"I don't know, I've been thinking about it a lot. You know, we've been together for almost 6 years, we've done everything else practically-"

"Except you won't let me rim you-"

"Because that's gross!"

"I have had your literal balls in my mouth. I think I can handle it." Harry teased. Louis gave him a dismissive look, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

"Anyway, I think we're ready to take our relationship to the next step." He explained. "Plus...I just want to do it with you." He added with a shy smile.

"Ooh, well I want to do it with you too." Harry teased reaching up to squeeze Louis' sides.

"So, would you want to try it down in Charlottesville? I mean, it won't be super romantic or anything, but it's probably the best chance we'll have to be alone."

"If I'm with you it's already romantic. I don't need rose petals and candles; just the fact that we'll be opening ourselves up to each other in a close and intimate way is romantic enough." Louis grinned, leaning down and kissing Harry sweetly. Harry caressed his cheek with his hand softly, kissing him back tenderly. "Now, speaking of romance, let me put your balls in my mouth." Louis hit him in the chest, scoffing in disbelief.

"You are so vulgar!" He laughed.

"I can't help it if I'm horny and I love your cock." Harry smirked back up at him.

"Well, it just so happens that my cock loves you too."

"Oh, good." Louis smiled down at him before reaching down and lifting the hem of his shirt. He quickly rolled off his tee shirt, throwing it to the side.

"Does your mother know you're here doing this right now?" Harry asked him teasingly. Louis shook his head.

"She thinks I'm at the library." Harry smirked.

"You dirty little rebel." He smoothed his hand up Louis' stomach. Louis simply smirked before pushing up Harry's shirt as well. Harry sat up, wrapping his arm around Louis' back before tackling him against the couch. Louis squealed with delight, lifting his legs up around Harry's waist. "Ooh, honey, is that a snake in your pocket or are you just excited to see me?"

"Both." Harry laughed in amusement before reaching for Louis' jeans. He undid the button then pulled them down Louis' thighs. He sat up, moving back as he yanked them down from around his ankles. After just throwing Louis' jeans aside, Harry took off his own shirt. He leaned back over Louis, kissing him deeply. He grabbed Louis' cock and began stroking it. Louis let out a small whimper, making Harry smirk. He loved pleasing his boy.

After pushing up Louis' shirt with his other hand he began to trail tender kisses from his chest all the way down to his cock. Louis' eyes fluttered shut and he let his head tip back when Harry flicked his tongue across the tip of his cock. Despite having only experienced getting a blowjob from Harry, Louis was convinced Harry gave the best head out of anyone else in the world. Harry knew Louis' body like the back of his hand. He knew exactly how to make him writhe against the couch, or moan in pleasure. He knew just how to get him off.

Louis had his head thrown back into the pillow, trying to desperately find something to grab onto and ultimately settling for Harry's hair. Harry's head was buried deep between Louis' thighs, his hands gripping Louis' waist tightly. Harry's mouth was warm and wet, it drove Louis crazy. He let little moans and whimpers fill the soft silence, feeling heat pool in his stomach then coil together tightly.

"Oh my god, Harry, I'm gonna cum." But that didn't stop Harry's head from bobbing up and down, and, feeling powerless, Louis came directly in Harry's mouth. Nothing he hadn't done before, but Louis was sure his semen wasn't meant for consumption. Louis let his body relax against the couch, he loosened his grip of Harry's hair.

Harry let go of his waist then held himself up, smirking proudly. He licked his lips before dragging his thumb across his bottom lip, then sticking it in his mouth as he kicked it clean. Louis smiled at him. He looked so sexy. Harry leaned in and gave Louis a kiss.

"Ew, you just had my cock and semen in your mouth." He teased making a face at him. Harry laughed.

"Hun, some people suck their own dicks." He leaned in to kiss him again, but Louis stopped him by placing a hand on his chest, giving him a look of disbelief.

"They do not." Harry nodded.

"I can show you videos-"

"Ew, no, I do not need to see that." Harry leaned in and kissed him. "Do you want me to do anything for you?" Louis asked sweetly, making Harry grin.

"Shower me with love and admiration-"

"I meant something that doesn't happen every day." Louis teased giving him a loving smirk. Harry quirked his eyebrow up at him.

"Hmm, well, you could touch me in my swimsuit area if you want." Harry teased in a low tone as he leaned in to kiss Louis again. So, Louis gave Harry one of his famous handjobs and once they were both cleaned up and satisfied they just laid on the couch together, listening to each other breathe.

"Excited to tour University of Virginia?" Louis asked him softly.

"Of course I am. I'm such a college man." Harry joked. Louis gave him a soft smile.

"Any idea on where you'll choose to go?"

"I'm probably just going to end up going to the University." Harry said as if choosing a college was no big deal. He glanced at Louis. "You?"

"I have no idea." He admitted softly. "I made a pros and cons list of all the colleges I was accepted into, but that didn't help me at all. I'm afraid to make the wrong decision."

"Babe, you can't make a wrong decision. If you decide to go somewhere then determine it wasn't the right choice, you can always transfer-"

"But that'd be such a fucking hassle, plus what if where I would decide to transfer wasn't a good fit either?" Louis retorted. He pressed his lips together, irritated, and exhaled.

"Let's just take it one day at a time, yeah?" Harry suggested. Louis glanced up at him to see him smiling. "We'll take it one day at a time together."

"I swear, I'd rather just die than pick a fucking college." Harry furrowed his eyebrows together, his eyes narrowing down at Louis.

"Do you actually feel that way?" He asked him seriously and Louis didn't answer immediately. He just sighed.

"No, I'm just stressed. Can we stop talking about this?" Harry nodded then wrapped his arm around Louis, pulling him close to his body. Louis snuggled against his chest. He wasn't sure if he fell asleep. All he knew was that life was a lot easier to bear when he was unconscious.

February 12, 2017

"Louis, I swear to God, hurry up! We were supposed to be on the road 30 minutes ago!" Harry was standing in the front door, waiting impatiently for Louis to just fucking be ready. His mother was already waiting in the car with Louis'. Everyone was ready to go except Louis.

"I'd be faster if you weren't yelling at me!" He heard Louis shout back from up the stairs.

"What is taking you so long?" Harry whined, crossing his arms.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Louis quipped back, making Harry smile. Harry tapped his foot impatiently until the sound of Louis walking towards the stairs was music to his ears. Harry smiled up at him, dropping his arms to his sides. Louis walked down with a backpack on his back and stopped in front of Harry. "I'm ready." He stated.

"It's about time." Harry teased. Louis stuck his tongue out at him.

"Did you bring...the stuff-"

"The condoms and lube?" Harry cut in loudly, earning himself a proper wack in the arm from Louis. "Yeah, I packed them. Didn't you get my snaps? I also put together a little playlist for the both of us I think you'll enjoy."

"If it's fucking bagpipes, or any weird shit, I'm breaking up with you." Harry just laughed before reaching out to grab his hand, pulling him closer to the door.

"Guess you'll have to find out and see. Now, let's go!" He yanked him out onto the porch, waited for Louis to lock the door, then they both walked down to the car. The climbed in the backseat.

"Whoo hoo, who's ready to tour some colleges?" Anne asked with excitement as she began to back the car out of the driveway.

"It's one college, mom." Harry told her flatly. "For one afternoon."

"Just trying to hype you up; touring colleges is exciting!" Louis turned his attention to the window, watching the scenery blur by. Harry had his hand on the inside of his thigh casually. While Anne and Jay conversed the whole way to Charlottesville, a whole hour and a half, Louis just listened to music and twiddled his thumb with Harry's. Once they arrived at their hotel, Louis and Harry were given the keys to one room while Jay and Anne were giving the keys to the room directly across from them.

"Good thing our moms are only across from us and not next to us, right? Wouldn't want them to hear you screaming my name." Louis blushed furiously, hitting Harry in the arm before crawling on the bed and sitting down.

"I will not scream."

"Okay." Harry replied smugly.

"Maybe you'll scream my name."

"Maybe I will. You have a beautiful name, it deserves to be heard from the heavens." Louis smiled at him.

"I can't believe we're finally gonna do this." He admitted bashfully. Harry just smiled at him beautifully, taking a seat beside him on the queen bed.

"Are you nervous?" Louis nodded.

"Are you?" Harry nodded back.

"A little, but being with you always calms me down." Louis smiled shyly. He couldn't believe such a sweet boy had fallen in love with him.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Harry leaned in, kissing him sweetly. "And we're going to have great, first sex. And it's going to be amazing. I'm gonna make you feel so good." He drawled out slowly, his lips ghosting across Louis' ear.

"Harry," Louis whispered, turning his head towards him. "Stop it. You're making me...feel things-"

"Horny." Harry interrupted, making Louis laugh. "Just say it, you're horny-"

"But nothing is happening until after dinner."

"What position do you want to try?" Harry then blurted out. "I always imagined doing it missionary style because that just always seemed the most intimate, but I was reading that for a first time it's recommended the bottom is on the top, like cowboy style, so that way the bottom can control how much they can and can't take themselves." Louis smirked at him.

"You actually looked this up?" He teased.

"Yeah, I did." Harry replied with a large grin. "To make sure I don't fuck up-"

"Well now I feel like I'm going to fuck up because I didn't google anything." Louis teased again.

"You can't fuck up sex-"

"Trust me, Harry. I will find a way."

"No, you'll be perfect because you're perfect in everything you do." Harry said giving him a small kiss. Louis just smiled at him before laughing.

"But I can't ride you, I have zero strength in my thighs."

"You could probably crush people's throats with your thighs, babe. Don't underestimate yourself." Louis rolled his eyes at him. "But if you'd be more comfortable with missionary we could totally do that." Louis smiled at him.

"We'll see." He teased making Harry smile. "Keep ya on your toes." He reached up and booped the tip of Harry's nose. Harry threw his arms around Louis then tackled him to the bed. They lounged around watching TV before leaving with their mothers to get dinner at a restaurant.

When they arrived back at the hotel Louis and Harry were both a bundle of nerves and excitement. They parted from their mothers, going to their respective rooms, and kicked off their shoes. Louis crawled onto the bed, plopping down on his back.

"Let me digest a little before we do anything, I'm stuffed." Harry laughed softly.

"I as well." He replied. He still went to his bag, though, and withdrew a condom from the box and the bottle of lube. He set them down on the night stand beside the bed then plopped down next to Louis. Louis sat up, reaching over Harry to snatch the lube and condom. He inspected them.

"It feels weird to be holding these." He admitted. Harry chuckled, watching him intently.

"Do you know how many different kinds of lube and condoms they have?" Louis shook his head. 

"How many?" He reached over and placed them back down.

"A lot." Harry deadpanned, placing his head on Louis' shoulder when he laid back down. "A fucking lot." Louis giggled. He sighed contently before turning his head down, glancing at Harry.

"Nothing's going to change between us after we have sex, right?" He then asked softly. Harry didn't immediately respond. He pressed his hand into the mattress then lifted his head up off Louis' shoulder, looking down at him.

"Should anything?" He asked softly.

"I mean, I don't think so."

"Are you worried things will change?" Louis shrugged.

"What if the sex is really bad? Would you still want to be with me even if the sex was horrible?" Harry laughed softly.

"I'm not even going to know what bad sex is considering it's my first time too-"

"But what if you don't feel anything? What if...we're hyping this up to be something amazing and something that'll bring us intimately closer together and it just ends up feeling pointless? Or not worth it? I've read stories about couples where everything is amazing, but the sex is bad so things get weird and they inevitably break up."

"Babe," Harry started before turning over on his stomach, peering down at Louis. "You know, I love you so much already. And sex? Sex isn't going to change that. No one tells you the first time has to be amazing and reaffirm your love and intimacy with one another. Our first time could be really awkward and uncomfortable, and if it is then at least I'll be awkward and uncomfortable with you, and that in itself will already make me feel closer to you. You know, I read an article about things women wished they had been told before they gave birth and one of them was that they won't always feel insurmountable joy and happiness when they hold their child for the first time. It's just life, it's different for everyone. It might take a few tries for us to get making love right, but nonetheless I will always love you, and nothing about sex will ever change that because you know what's great about sex and love? They're not mutually exclusive." Louis reached up, touching his fingers to Harry's hair, tucking a little tuft behind his ear.

"You're the best." He leaned up and gave him a tender kiss, letting his hand rest softly on the back of Harry's neck.

"Well I think you're the best." Louis leaned in to kiss him again, but this wasn't a short kiss. It was deep, and tender. They parted their lips, letting their tongues touch for a moment as they moved their lips together.

"Is this happening?" Louis whispered against Harry's lips.

"I think this is happening." Harry whispered back before kissing him even deeper. Louis pulled Harry over top himself, his stomach full of bees and butterflies. Harry had Louis' stomach trapped between his thighs. He pushed up the hem of Louis' shirt to his chest before leaning down and pressing soft, feverish kisses to his tummy. Louis grabbed the hem then just pulled his shirt off altogether.

Harry caressed his hands over Louis' body. Louis smiled up at him; he looked a bit bashful. Harry leaned down to kiss his stomach again before trailing up to his chest, letting his lips linger against Louis' porcelain skin. Louis let his eyes flutter shut, relishing in the feel of Harry's touch.

Harry buried his face in Louis' neck, kissing it and maybe giving him a hickey, but Louis wasn't complaining. He moaned softly. He pulled up Harry's shirt, his nails grazing across his skin as he did so. Harry sat up again, yanking off his shirt with one hand.

"You're so handsome." Louis said grinning up at him. Harry smiled back down at him.

"I think you're handsome." He replied making Louis giggle.

"I think you're a liar."

"I cannot tell a lie." Harry said, smirking down at him. He undid the button of his jeans and pulled the zipper down. He moved off of Louis to take them off properly and toss them over the side of the bed. Louis followed suit, sitting up then pulling his jeans to his ankles. Harry gasped at him. "You little tease, have you not had underwear on this whole day?" Louis just smirked at him, shrugging his shoulders as he pushed his pants off the bed.

"Maybe." He scooted closer to Harry, reaching out and slipping his finger under the elastic of Harry's boxer-briefs. "You'd look a lot better without these on." He teased batting his eyes at him. Harry just smirked back at him. He slowly pulled them down his thighs before taking them off completely and dropping them to the floor. Louis had total bedroom eyes. They both did. "So, where do we go from here?" Louis asked sheepishly, though. Harry laughed.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "We could...kiss a little more, I could tell you about how beautiful you are to me, I could...finger your asshole-"

"Ew, saying it like that makes it sounds gross!" Louis exclaimed making Harry laugh even more.

"How else do you want me to say it?" He asked curiously. Louis just shrugged, looking away.

"We should foreplay a bit more before you do anything with your fingers." He stated. Harry just smirked, raising his eyebrows at him. He leaned across the space between them and kissed Louis tenderly. Louis closed his eyes, raising his hand up and placing it on Harry's chest as he moved closer. Louis made a humming noise before pulling away. "You should..." The tips of their noses were touching; Louis was almost breathless. "You should, like, sit at the head of the bed." He whispered. "So, I can sit on your lap." They both smiled.

"You don't have to ask me twice." So, Harry moved towards the head of the bed, stretching his legs out and leaning against the headboard. Louis kneeled over and positioned himself over Harry's lap, sinking back on his thighs. Harry wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close.

They kissed passionately. Harry spread his hand against Louis' lower back. Louis placed his hands on Harry's shoulder, rolling his hips down slightly which just drove Harry crazy.

"You're making me so fucking hard." Harry said before biting down playfully on Louis' bottom lip. Louis simply smirked, moving his lips down to Harry's neck. Harry closed his eyes, moaning softly. He smoothed his hands down Louis' curves down to his ass, cupping his ass in his hands and squeezing it. "You know, you have the best ass I've ever seen."

"Well the only ass you should be looking at is mine, so thanks." Louis whispered against his skin. Louis continued to kiss Harry's neck while Harry picked up the bottle of lube.

"Are you—Are you re-"

"Yeah, do it." Harry smirked.

"I'm probably gonna get lube fucking everywhere." He laughed. Louis laughed with him. "I just...smother it on my fingers?"

"I think so. How else would you do it?" Harry just laughed as he squirted it over his two first fingers. Louis smiled nervously. He kissed Harry's cheek before just pressing his forehead to Harry's. Harry had placed the bottle of lube aside then wrapped his arms around Louis' waist again. He spread apart Louis' cheeks before pressing his finger against his hole. Louis gasped softly, his warm breath blowing directly in Harry's face. "Fuck." Harry laughed.

"Feel all right? Let me know if you want me to stop." Louis nodded, taking in a deep breath.

"Keep going." Harry slowly inched his finger in deeper. Louis arched his back. He made an uncomfortable face, shaking his head. "No, more lube." Harry nodded. He picked up the lube and poured a generous amount on his palm. He dipped his one finger in it before circling Louis' hole with it. He smothered the rest over his already lube-covered fingers. He slowly inched his finger inside.

"Feel better?" Louis nodded, his forehead pressed down against Harry's shoulder, his hands squeezing his arms.

"Much better." Harry started working his finger in and out slowly, smoothly. Louis lifted his head up. He lifted his hand to Harry's cheek then leaned in to kiss him deeply. Without warning, he inched in a second finger. Louis gasped, his jaw slacking open, whimpering.

"Do-Does that feel all right?" Louis nodded.

"It feels weird." He admitted laughing. "But good. Feels good." He started kissing him again. "I love you."

"I love you too." Harry replied against Louis' lips. So, Harry fingered Louis with two fingers and Louis already felt like he was going to collapse, but Harry was treating him with such tender love and care, he felt special.

"Wait." Louis stopped and Harry looked up at him curiously.

"Is everything all right?" Louis nodded.

"Yeah, I just feel like I have to burp." He told him making him laugh. Louis let out a small burp, covering his mouth, then blushed. "Excuse me, I'm so sorry." Harry just smiled, laughing in amusement.

"God, I love you." He cupped his cheek in his hand then leaned up, kissing him tenderly. Louis tried to kiss him back, but was laughing too hard to do that.

"I can't believe I just did that." He giggled.

"Let's see what other noises you can make." Harry teased. Louis smiled shyly. Harry reached out and picked up the condom. He tore it out of the wrapper. "Want to do the honors?" He held it up to Louis. Louis smiled, taking it.

"I'm not exactly sure how to put a condom on. What if I mess it up?"

"Just don't put it over my balls and we'll be good." Harry teased. Louis reached down and wrapped his hand around Harry's cock. He gave it a few strokes before rolling the condom on. "Perfect!" Harry exclaimed. He picked up the lube, coated it on generously, then threw it aside. Louis raised himself up off Harry's thighs, their torsos practically pressed together. Harry grabbed his own dick, guiding it so that the tip was simply pressed against Louis' hole. "Let me know when you're ready-"

"No, wait." Louis reached down behind his back and grabbed Harry's erect dick himself. Harry smirked, bringing his hand back to Louis' waist. Louis took a deep breath, his other hand gripping Harry's shoulder tightly to keep himself upright. Louis pressed the tip in then lowered himself down slightly before stopping. "Fucking shit." He cursed, squeezing his eyes shut. "Why do you have to have such a big dick? I wish you had a small dick."

"Oh, thanks honey." Harry deadpanned sarcastically. Louis smiled. He lowered himself a little more, letting go with his hand. He was panting now, inhaling sharply then exhaling loudly. "How does it feel?"

"It feels like someone set a fire right inside my asshole, but I'll get used to it." Harry chuckled, he brushed his thumb against Louis' waist. "And my thighs are already killing me." He laughed. Harry smiled up at him. After some time, Louis was able to lower himself down completely, skin touching skin. Harry watched him intently.

The first few minutes were slow. Louis had his arms wrapped around Harry's neck as he slowly worked himself up and down, getting used to the feeling and working through the pain. Once the pain had started to subside and the pleasure set in, Louis moved faster.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so fucking good." Harry's fingertips dug into the skin of Louis' waist as he rolled his hips back and forward on Harry's cock.

"Oh my God, it feels so good." Louis said breathlessly. Harry eventually started to work his hips as well so that their bodies moved in sync with each other's. "You feel so good." Louis' face was flushed red, he wasn't sure how long his eyes had been closed. He dragged his nails across Harry's back, sure he was actually breaking the skin.

"You're so beautiful." Harry cupped Louis' cheeks in his hands and kissed him feverishly, sloppily. It was a mix of moans, whimpers, and puffs of hot breaths. "I think I'm gonna come." Louis started moving his hips faster, his thighs were quivering. He wasn't sure how long he could keep holding himself up, but nonetheless he persevered through.

Harry's eyes were clutched shut tightly. His lips were parted and the squeaking of the mattress was music to his ears. Fuck, Louis felt like heaven. Everything felt like heaven. The world as they knew it slipped away from their fingertips and the only thing they were aware of were themselves and each other.

"Fuck, I'm coming."

"I'm so close too." Harry wrapped his hand around Louis' cock, stroking it fast. They moved their bodies in sync and before they knew it they were both coming. They rode out their highs before Louis moved off Harry's cock, sinking back down on his thighs in exhaustion. He moved over and laid down beside Harry. Harry removed the condom, tied the end in a knot, then got up from the bed. He trashed it in a bin then grabbed a handful of tissues. He cleaned himself off, went over and cleaned Louis off, then crawled back on the bed after throwing the tissues away.

"Can you believe we just did that?" Louis asked in disbelief, still trying to catch his breath. Harry turned on his side and inched closer to Louis. "Did-Did you like it?" Harry smirked, nodding his head.

"I fucking loved it." Louis smiled weakly.

"Me too." He replied. "Maybe next time we can try missionary. My thighs feel like jelly."

"I'm already looking forward to it." Louis smiled at him, managing to turn himself of his side and cuddle up with Harry.

"Let's pull the blankets back." So, they both pulled the blankets down. Harry turned out the lights and they both climbed in under the covers, nestling together. Harry grinned at Louis, reaching up to move his hair away from his forehead.

"You looked so pretty bouncing on my cock." He teased making Louis blush furiously.

"You looked so pretty watching me bounce on your cock." He then quipped back making Harry laugh boisterously. He reached up, placing his hand on Louis' cheek gently.

"I love you so much." He whispered seriously. "Like, I'm not even kidding. I love you so much it's unfathomable." Louis smiled, reaching up as placing his hand over top Harry's.

"You have no idea how much I love you too." He whispered back. Harry grinned, leaning in and kissing him. They nestled closer together, touching their foreheads together, closing their eyes to sleep. And they slept. Peacefully. Ready for the day they had ahead of them.

February 13, 2017

"So down here we have study areas. There's also separate rooms with whiteboards you are free to use. The service center is also down here where you receive packages," The tour guide gestured to the desk a few feet behind her. "Above is the actual dining area. And it's really great because there are tunnels from some of the residence halls to here. Similar to how there are tunnels that connect other residence halls to the other dining center across campus."

"Think anyone has had sex in those tunnels?" Harry whispered in Louis' ear teasingly. Louis bit back his smile and elbowed Harry in the side. Harry just laughed softly, then turned his attention back to the speaker.

They were shown all around the campus, going in and out of various buildings, learning about the different departments and majors the university offered, and even taking a tour of one of the dormitories. They ended the tour back where they started in the student union on the second floor.

"I want to go back to Starcher and learn more about their chem department." Harry said nudging Louis. Their mothers weren't with them, they had taken the day to see the town together and were going to pick them up when ready. Louis nodded.

"Okay, I'm going to sit down because I literally can't stand anymore, but I can meet you over there in a little bit."

"Sounds like a plan, love you." Harry kissed his temple before turning and walking off. Louis watched him until he disappeared. He sighed to himself then turned, looking around at all the people around him. He felt overwhelmed with it all. He walked over to a bench against a wall and sat down. He closed his eyes, taking deep and calming breaths. Not even 5 minutes later someone was taking a seat beside him. He looked at the girl, who looked back at him, then tried to force a friendly smile.

"I'm Elena." She introduced herself. She was wearing light washed jeans, a sweatshirt that said, "New York City" on it, and had a long, brown locks pulled up into a ponytail.

"I'm Louis." He replied softly.

"Are you from here?" He shook his head.

"Well, I'm from Virginia, but not Charlottesville. I'm from Fredericksburg, it's around an hour and a half from here. Where are you from?"

"North Dakota." Louis' jaw dropped, making her laugh.

"You're a long way from home." He joked.

"I know, but both my parents went here for college and it's been my dream to go here as well. I can't believe I even got accepted." She exclaimed in disbelief.

"You and me both." Louis joked back.

"So, what other schools are you considering?" Louis took a deep breath, shrugging.

"I got accepted into the University of Missouri which is my dream school so I really want to go there. The campus is absolutely gorgeous and they have one of the best Psych departments, which is what I'm interested in pursuing."

"What's stopping you from going there?" She asked curiously.

"It's, like, 14 hours away and I don't know if I want to move that far away from my family just yet. Plus, my boyfriend is more than likely going to commit to going here and I don't know if I could handle a long-distance relationship."

"Yeah, long distance relationships don't exactly have a good rap." She joked lightly. "But, you never know. How long have you two been together?"

"Since the seventh grade." He answered with a small smile. His heart fluttered. "It's just...it's tough. I feel like if I leave Virginia then I won't ever really come back. I mean, obviously, I'd go back, but I mean staying back. Permanently. But then I feel like I should take advantage of this opportunity. You know, this university is a good school, but Mizzou is amazing as well and maybe this what I need to just...kickstart my independence."

"I know how you feel. It's terrifying thinking of moving so far away from home where you know everyone and everything. One thing you could do it go in state your first few years and then transfer-"

"Yeah, that's what Harry has said, but I don't really want to do that." Louis interrupted. "I just...," He sighed. "I have no idea what I want to do."

"Well, if I can give you one piece of advice, plan your future for yourself. We're still young. Anything can happen." Well now Louis was just disheartened. He wanted someone to tell him that everything would be fine. That he'd go to Mizzou, maintain his relationship with Harry, and everything would be amazing.

"What other schools are you looking at?" He asked her. She smiled.

"Well I applied to the University of North Dakota, University of Nebraska, University of Mary which is in my town just in case, and here. But I'm hoping to go here."

"Well, I hope you get to go here." He told her reassuringly. She smiled.

"Thanks. I hope you are able to figure out what you want to do. I know you will." He smiled back bashfully.

"Thank you." He replied. "Well, I have to go. I actually have to go meet up with my boyfriend at Starcher hall. It was nice meeting you." He then explained as he stood up.

"You too. Good luck." He just smiled, chuckling as he gave her one last nod then walked off. He walked out the front of the union then pulled out his handy dandy school map to remind himself where Starcher was. He looked like such a freshman.

Louis walked all the way up the sidewalk to an intersection before taking a right. Ahead of him was a long sidewalk, at the end where the road and sidewalk took a turn was Starcher. His attention was piqued by all his surroundings. He looked at all the buildings, the students walking by him, and the sky.

He was stopped short when he noticed Harry standing on the sidewalk talking to a girl. He ground his teeth together before reminding himself that getting jealous was really just stupid. He continued forward, slowing his pace as he approached them. Harry turned to him with a smile.

"Oh, hey." He greeted. "Um, this is Sarah." He said gesturing to the girl with a backpack. She turned to him with a smile.

"Hi," She greeted cheerfully.

"Hi, I'm Louis." He said softly, smiling back at her.

"So, what dorm are you in?" Sarah then asked Harry. Louis rolled his eyes discretely.

"I haven't committed yet to going here so I'm not sure yet, actually." He told her and she looked surprise.

"You're a freshman?"

"Going to be." He laughed.

"Wow, I would've pegged you as a college sophomore already." She said grinning at him. Louis eyed her. Was she trying to flirt with Harry? "So, you thinking of committing here?" Harry nodded.

"Yeah, I probably will. I mean, it's close to home and... I'm not really considering anywhere else." She smiled.

"That's awesome. Just think, you'd already have a friend." Louis rolled his eyes again. Harry just laughed softly. "And if you came here maybe I could show you around campus and the town, I could show you all the hotspots." She joked.

"I have never been to Charlottesville before." Harry replied making her laugh. Louis nudged him roughly. He was beyond annoyed.

"Maybe we could trade numbers-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there. Sorry to break it to you, but he's taken. By me. So goodbye." Sarah just gave him a questionable look before taking a step back.

"Okay then, never mind." She replied dejectedly before turning around and walking away. Harry turned to Louis with a smile.

"You're so cute when you get jealous." He teased grinning down at him. Louis just gave him an unamused look.

"Not in the mood." Louis let go of his arm, and started walking forward.

"Hey," Harry hurried after him. "Are you actually mad? It's not as if I was flirting back, I didn't even realize she was trying to flirt-"

"I'm not mad at you, I'm just annoyed at everything." Louis stated. "I want to go back to the hotel."

"I haven't even been to check out the Chem department-"

"Then you go do that and I will wait by the auditorium parking lot our moms dropped us off at." Louis snapped before rushing off. Harry turned and looked back at Starcher hall before turning back and hurrying after Louis.

"Hun, babe-"

"Just go fucking check out the Chem department. I told you where I'd meet you-"

"What is wrong? Is it because of Sarah?"

"No, I don't give a fuck about Sarah. I'm just tired. I want to go home." Louis snapped, turning at the corner.

"Did something happen?"

"Nothing fucking happened!" Louis shouted. Harry bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep up his pace to stay with Louis. "Nothing happened." Louis repeated in a lower tone. "I'm just stressed. Okay? I'm fucking stressed. All this college shit? It just makes me want to die, honestly."

"Louis, that's the second time I've heard you say that now-"

"Yeah, well, it's true-" Harry grabbed Louis' arm, yanking him back.

"If it's true then we should talk about that. Or find you someone to talk to." He told him seriously, a look of concern on his face. Louis reached up and rubbed his eyes.

"Can we talk about it back at the hotel?" Harry nodded. Louis just swallowed thickly, turning forward again. "I already texted my mom so they're on their way." He turned forward and started walking again. Harry followed. He reached down and took Louis' hand, giving it a reassuringly squeeze. They made it back the parking lot they had started in at the beginning of the day.

When they made it back to the hotel Louis kicked off his shoes and sat down on the bed. The air was tense between them. Harry removed his shoes as well then went over and took a seat beside Louis.

"Are we going to stay together?" Louis blurted out. Harry was caught off guard. He turned so that he was facing towards him.

"Of course-"

"No, I mean plausibly." Louis interrupted. "Because...I love you so much and I want to be with you, but Mizzou is my dream school and they have one of the best psych departments in the country and I have the opportunity to go there, but it's 14 hours away and I can't imagine moving 14 hours away-"

"Louis." Harry interrupted. "You should make your decisions based on what you believe is best for yourself, based on what you want to do. Don't plan your future around me, us. Just don't. Because if you stay here and for some reason we break up, you'll resent yourself for not having picked another school when you could've." Louis felt tears run down his cheeks and he wiped them dry.

"But long distance relationships are so hard and I need you to keep me sane."

"Honey-"

"When I said all this college shit makes me want to die and that it was true I just...I don't even know. I have really been struggling lately." Louis explained tearfully. Harry looked down at him curiously. "I... I don't know if it's depression, or something, but...just ever since the summer I've felt down at lot. Just...like blah. Some days it's hard for me just to convince myself to get out of bed-"

"How come you never told me about this before?"

"Because I was embarrassed!" Louis exclaimed. "I thought maybe you would've thought I was just being silly, or just stressed about school and college, which I am-"

"I would've never thought that, Louis. If you think it might be depression then that's serious, that's not something to be dismissed." Harry interrupted seriously. "How long have you been feeling this way?" Louis shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't even sure. Just...all of a sudden he realized how shitty he was feeling and couldn't remember the last time he actually felt good and happy.

"I noticed it at the beginning of summer two years ago." He admitted softly. "It got a lot worse last summer, though. Like, the other day I came home from school and I got a cup of water, but I dropped it and I just burst into tears. Over a cup!" He exclaimed. "And I was worried about things changing after sex because I don't feel anything." He said. "I've just...I have no interest in anything, I don't find joy in anything except you. All I want to do is sleep. The reason I get out of bed is for school and you, and sometimes not even for school. That's why I've missed the days I have."

"Are you suicidal?" Harry asked him softly. Louis shrugged.

"No. Saying college made me want to die was just me...exaggerating. I don't want to be here, though. I just...I honestly don't even know." Tears rolled down Louis' cheeks and he wiped them dry with his thumb. "I'm sorry-"

"What? No, Louis, don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong." Harry assured seriously. "I appreciate you telling me this. I can't imagine it was easy to share." Harry wrapped his arm around him. Louis laid his head on Harry's shoulder. "You should tell someone else about this." Louis shook his head. "No, I'm seriously Louis. You should tell your mother, she'd be able to help you more than I could."

"How?"

"She could get you set up with seeing a therapist, or something. This is serious, Louis. Your mental health is important and if you're feeling like you don't want to be here you should talk to someone about that."

"My moms probably just going to say it's stress and that I'll feel better after I start-"

"Well, if she does then we can tell my mother and I'll make her help." Harry teased softly, smiling. Louis forced a small laugh, wiping under his eyes again.

"I could barely tell you, I can't tell my mother-"

"Yes, you can and you should. Louis, I care about you so fucking much and to know you've been hurting for so long saddens me. I want you to be happy."

"I want to be happy too, but...I keep thinking it'll get better but it's just one bad day after another. I feel like it's never going to get better."

"It is, it will get better-"

"It's literally been two years, Harry-"

"It will get better." Harry reassured. "It will, it always does. You will not feel this way for the rest of your life, I promise." Louis just sighed then lifted his head off Harry's shoulder. Harry looked at him. "Will you try to tell you mother?" Louis hesitated. Next to not wanting to pick a college, the second thing he didn't want to do was tell his mother about how he was struggling.

"I... I'll try. But I'm not making promises." Harry simply nodded. Louis leaned up and kissed Harry's cheek. "You know I still love you very much, right?" Harry smiled down at him, nodding.

"I never once doubted you loved me." He told him. "And I'm not going to start now." Louis felt his heart swell with affection and he smiled back up at him. "If you ever need anything from me just let me know. I will always be here for you, okay babe?" Louis nodded.

"Thank you."

They returned to Fredericksburg the next day. They went back to their normal routines. Louis' thoughts were constantly racing about how, or even if, he should tell his mother about his feelings. But three weeks after the college tour Louis just had the shittiest day. He had stayed home from school, spending the entire day in bed wishing he were just dead. School was a shit show as he was preparing for AP exams. He still had no fucking idea if he wanted to go to Mizzou or University of Virginia. He felt hopeless.

At 8 o'clock at night Louis forced himself out of bed. He had spent 2 hours rehearsing what he would say to his mother. He ventured across the hallway to his mother's bedroom door; it was open, but he still rapped his knuckles against it then stuck his head in.

"Mom?" She looked over from her desk, looking at him. "Can I talk to you?" Jay nodded. He stepped into the room. His heart was in his throat.

"What is it, honey?"

"I don't know." Louis blurted out unsurely. "I, uh, I...," His voice was shaking and his throat was so tight that it hurt. Tears started rolling down his cheeks, alarming Jay. She stood up and walked over to him.

"Is everything okay, sweetheart?" She asked in concern. Louis shook his head, rubbing his eyes with the side of his hand.

"I just...ever since last summer I've just been...feeling really down." He choked out. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself so he could speak coherently. "But not, like, sad. I don't know, I just haven't been feeling anything, really. Just between school and everything needed to prepare for college is stressing me out and sometimes I just feel like pulling my hair out and then I wonder if it's even going to be worth it all. I can't even decide for myself what college I want to go to, how am I supposed to make other big life decisions? And... then I just lost interest in everything. I haven't done my laundry in months. I just...it's hard to get out of bed sometimes, a lot of the times actually and I'm just so exhausted all the time it feels. Sometimes I feel like everything would be easier if I were just dead. I-I don't know if it's depression, or something, but I'm struggling and I need help." Louis' tears rolled down his cheeks again and he covered his face in his hands, smothering his cries. Jay immediately wrapped her arms around him.

"Oh, my sweet boy." She cooed. "I had no idea you were struggling so much, why didn't you come to me sooner?" She stepped back, looking down at him intently. Louis rubbed his eyes, shrugging his shoulders. "Well thank you for telling me now, I know it is extremely hard for most people to admit they're struggling and ask for help. How about I look into some counseling and we get you set up with an appointment to meet with someone?" Louis just nodded his head, wiping his bleary eyes again. Jay's heart broke for him. "I love you very much, you know that, right?" She smiled down at him, reaching out to move his hair away from his eyes. Louis nodded, managing a small, weak smile. "If I can do anything to help you feel better, or just help you out, let me know, okay?" Louis nodded. "How about I start with doing your laundry for you so you don't stink." She teased lightly.

"Thank you, mum."

"Thank you for coming to me."

"Thank Harry, he's the one who convinced me." Jay smiled.

"I'll be sure to." Louis just smiled back weakly before turning around and leaving the room. Jay followed. She brought a laundry basket with she snatched off her floor and began to pile his dirty laundry in it. Louis just crawled back in his bed, thanked his mother, then turned over and smothered his face in his pillow, falling asleep.

March 25, 2017

Louis woke up at 3 am to a slow tapping against his window. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. He knew it was Harry and that made him smile. He threw his covers back and got out of bed. He went to his window, pulled up the blinds, and immediately smiled at Harry who was knelt in front of his window. He held roses in his hand.

Louis pushed up the window, popped off the screen, then stepped aside as Harry crawled in. Louis grinned at him before jumping up and throwing his arms around Harry's neck, hugging him tightly. Harry hugged him back with one arm, making sure not to crush the roses.

"Here, babe." They stepped back and Harry held up a bouquet of red and pink roses. More specifically: 6 pink, 5 red. "The pink are for the years we've been together; the red are for years I've loved you." Louis gazed down at them, reaching out to take them.

"These are beautiful, thank you so much." Harry just smiled down at him.

"I thought you'd like them." Louis turned and walked over to his desk. He placed the roses in his empty vase he usually put the flowers Harry got him in. Harry kicked off his shoes then sat down on Louis' bed. Louis walked over and sat beside him. They both laid down, cuddling beside each other.

"You're so sweet." Louis whispered, resting his head on Harry's chest.

"How's therapy going?" Harry asked him softly. Louis groaned, rolling his eyes.

"I still haven't found a therapist I like." He said. "The guy I saw today was so annoying. He kept asking me what I wanted to talk about and I didn't know so we literally sat there in silence for 15 minutes. I hated it and him."

"Aw, I'm sorry about that babe." Louis shrugged.

"I have an appointment with some girl therapist in, like, three weeks cause that's the soonest opening she had."

"Well I hope it goes well. Other than that, how have you been feeling?"

"Alright." He shrugged. "I started my medication last week, but nothing feels different-"

"You have to give it time to build up in your system, Lou." Louis sighed.

"I know, but what if it just ends up making me really suicidal? The doctor said that could happen." Harry smiled down at him, kissing his temple.

"Then you tell someone, the doctor preferably, and they'll take you off that medication and start you on a different one."

"I wish I could just snap my fingers and have all this be behind me already." Louis mumbled apathetically. Harry held him tighter, pulling him even closer. He sighed softly. 

"I wish I could do the same for you." He told him quietly. "But I can't." He sighed again. Louis just let his head rest against Harry's chest, exhaling. 

"I signed up for an orientation." He stated. "Think you'd want to come with?" 

"Visit Missouri with my sweetheart? Of course, when is it?" 

"June 14th." Louis answered flatly. "I'm not...making a mistake, am I?" He then asked shyly. 

"Babe, I think you're making the right decision for yourself. And I couldn't be more proud." Louis managed a small smile. 

"Thank you, love." They laid there in silence. It was a comfortable silence, though. They closed their eyes, unsure if this was where they'd fall asleep or if they'd share more conversation. Louis felt content. He felt comfortable. And he decided he was NOT going to think about the future. He was just going to focus on the present, himself, and Harry. 

"I want a dog." Louis stated and that made Harry laugh. 

"What kind of dog?" 

"I want a Pomeranian." He said. "Because they're small and fluffy. And I heard pets can help people with depression and all. Emotional support pets." 

"If you had a dog what would you name it?" Harry asked him curiously. Louis thought for a moment. 

"If it were a girl I'd name her Sommer, but call her Sunny for short. And if it were a boy I'd name him Bosie after Lord Alfred Douglas, my favorite poet." Harry smiled at him. 

"You're so cute." He whispered pressing a soft kiss to Louis' cheek. 

"You're even cuter." Louis replied. 

"Impossible." Harry retorted in a serious voice. Louis laughed softly, pressing the side of his face against Harry's chest. Harry managed a smile then sighed contently. Louis sighed softly too. 

"Do you...," Louis trailed off, taking a deep breath then sighing again. "Do you think I'll actually, like, get better? The doctor was saying that college is a big adjustment and that stuff like this can happen." 

"Louis, at some point in your future you're going to be doing something that makes you stop and think, 'man, how did I ever doubt my life would turn out like this?'. It might happen in 2 years, it might happen in 5, but at some point it will happen and you'll be proud of yourself for how far you've come." Harry told him confidently. 

"But what if I don't reach that point? What if I never do? What I'm just cycling through a constant depression for the rest of my life?" 

"You know, I feel like everyone in your position feels that same way. But I promise I will do everything I can to help you feel better and support you and always be there for you even if you're 14 hours away." Louis forced a small smile. 

"Thank you." He whispered in a soft voice. "I appreciate it." Harry smiled. He gave him a tight squeeze and didn't let him go. Louis laughed. 

"Let me go, you beast." Louis teased laughing, pressing his hand against Harry's chest. 

"So, we fuckin' or not?" Louis scoffed. 

"My mother is home." He told him. Harry shrugged. 

"And you don't trust yourself to be quiet, I get it." Louis slapped him in the chest, gawking down at him. 

"I could be quiet enough. It's you who would be too loud." Harry scoffed back at him. 

"Um, I don't think so-"

"You are literally loud with everything you do." Louis whispered. "Like right now, I am whispering and you're talking at full volume, you shithead." Louis said trying to fight a smile. Harry grinned at him. 

"Sex is natural-"

"But not in the middle of the night when my mom is asleep down the hall. We can make love the next time we are home alone." Harry smirked. 

"Yay." He teased. Louis lifted his head up from Harry's chest, smiling down at Harry. Harry smiled back up at him, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight. Louis leaned down and kissed him tenderly, for he loved him so and he always would. 

And maybe he went off to the University of Missouri and had the time of his life, or maybe it was a shit show and he transferred back home to the University of Virginia. Maybe he and Harry stayed together, maybe they broke up, maybe they ended up getting married and had a life together. Maybe Louis fought through his depression—actually he did. That was for sure. But everything else? Everything else is open to interpretation, really.

**Author's Note:**

> LOL this is so shitty cause I have no time management skills and didn't give myself enough time to work on this :) :) :) 
> 
> i feel like this has no real plot or ending but i wanted to write about something that was real (to me at least) because i myself started to struggle with depression and anxiety during my senior year of high school and college was very stressful, I just finished my first year, but i wish i had reached out for help sooner.
> 
> if you are struggling with feelings of depression do not hesitate to reach out for help. admitting that you are in fact struggling can take a lot of courage, but it in no way is a sign of weakness. it is very important for yourself and your mental health that you talk to someone because if you neglect your feelings nothing will get better and things will always get better. you will not be struggling forever.
> 
> but yeah hope you somewhat enjoy this, let me know what you think!! def gonna edit this later on


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